YAWN HATES ME BY SE DIAMOND 34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 03

Jan hates me. He has thin blond hair tied into a ponytail, and his name is pronounced yawn—not like the American girl’s name Jan. Our Czech Foreign Relations class has just ended and it’s Friday. This is Jan’s country, but class is in English. I’m not smart or dedicated enough to learn a second language, but I have money and I’ll pay to sit in their classrooms as long as they teach in my language. At first I thought Jan hated me because our professor Dr Hasek likes me so much. All the kids in class (American, British, Luxembourgian, and Czech) get annoyed with my enthusiasm for Czech history. 

Jan, like the other Czechs, doesn’t approve of us American kids because our study abroad program is easy stupidy stuff. Our class is a joke, not like real European universities, where the students have to fight for the few coveted spots. He has a point though; I would never attend an Economics University in the US. Jan says it’s a waste for students like me to go abroad for only one semester. He says that’s not enough time. I try and show him how smart I am. I’m always correcting his English and talking about my favorite American television shows. Maybe he’s just a mean person.

“Na Sled, Jan.” I smile and suck in my cheeks as I say good day to him. Come on Janny, like me. I just want your country to like me.


34TH PARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 03

THE DANGER YOU KNOW BY GEOFF KIRSCH, TEARS BEFORE THEY FALL BY WILLIAM FALO, YAWN HATES ME BY SE DIAMOND, OF QUICKSAND MATS BY ASHLEY COWGER, ON HOLD IN ZIHUA BY STEVE HICKS, OCCUPATION BY WINDY LYNN HARRIS, THE TEA PARTY BY MICHAEL ERNEST SWEET, CHOP SUEY BY KATHLEEN J STOWE, EXTREME IMAGES BY MOSTAFA MOFTAH, WRITING STARS BY MICHAEL SWEET, TIME  WITH FRIEDA BY ARLENE ANG, ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY BY JASON HUSKEY, MYSPACE JESUS BY SHANA KRAYNAK, CAMOUFLAGE BY SARAH E AZIZI, MOVING BY MATT MULLINS, WATERS BY CP STEWART, UNLIKELY SONNET BY DAVE MORRISON, YESTERDAY BY ASHLIEGH GEHL.

IMAGE BY MOSTAFA MOFTAH 34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 03


‍ARLENE ‍ANG ‍

‍lives ‍in ‍Spinea, ‍Italy. ‍She ‍is ‍a ‍poetry ‍editor ‍for ‍The ‍Pedestal ‍Magazine ‍and ‍Press ‍1. ‍Her ‍chapbook, ‍Secret ‍Love ‍Poems, ‍is ‍available ‍from ‍Rubicon ‍Press


‍SHANA ‍KRAYNAK

‍is ‍a ‍Terrible ‍Towel ‍Twirlin’ ‍Yinzer ‍with ‍a ‍passion ‍for ‍rivers, ‍french ‍fries ‍on ‍sandwiches, ‍and ‍tattoo ‍machines. ‍She ‍graduated ‍from ‍the ‍University ‍of ‍Pittsburgh ‍in ‍2006, ‍and ‍is ‍a ‍Masters ‍candidate ‍in ‍the ‍Professional ‍Writing ‍program ‍at ‍USC. ‍She ‍says ‍that ‍while ‍she ‍has ‍grown ‍to ‍love ‍frantic ‍freeway ‍driving ‍in ‍Los ‍Angeles, ‍she ‍misses ‍the ‍Pittsburgh ‍bridges ‍and ‍port ‍authority. ‍Her ‍first ‍book ‍of ‍poems, ‍Shotgun ‍Wedding, ‍will ‍be ‍finished ‍in ‍May. ‍Her ‍previous ‍publications ‍can ‍be ‍found ‍in ‍Book ‍by ‍Authors, ‍Three ‍Rivers ‍Review, ‍and ‍Collision.


‍MOSTAFA ‍MOFTAH

‍is ‍the ‍cover ‍photographer ‍for ‍the ‍third ‍issue ‍of ‍34thParallel. ‍He ‍was ‍an ‍art ‍director ‍for ‍several ‍advertising ‍agencies ‍in ‍Cairo ‍before ‍taking ‍up ‍photography ‍full-time.


‍GEOFF ‍KIRSCH

‍has ‍an ‍MFA ‍in ‍fiction ‍from ‍New ‍School ‍University. ‍His ‍stories ‍have ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍Northwest ‍Review ‍and ‍Paper ‍Street. ‍He ‍lives ‍in ‍Juneau, ‍Alaska, ‍where ‍he ‍hikes, ‍bikes, ‍cross-country ‍skis, ‍plays ‍sub-par ‍bass ‍in ‍a ‍questionable ‍band, ‍and ‍chops ‍firewood. ‍Lots ‍and ‍lots ‍of ‍firewood.


‍WILLIAM ‍FALO

‍lives ‍in ‍Southern ‍New ‍Jersey ‍with ‍his ‍wife ‍and ‍two ‍daughters. ‍His ‍fiction ‍is ‍published ‍in ‍the ‍Northwoods ‍Journal, ‍55 ‍words, ‍Zapata, ‍Pens ‍on ‍Fire, ‍Brilliant, ‍Bewildering ‍Stories, ‍Long ‍Story ‍Short, ‍The ‍Greensilk ‍Journal, ‍Yellow ‍Mama, ‍Shalla ‍Magazine, ‍Skive ‍Magazine, ‍ShatterColors ‍Literary ‍Review, ‍Shine, ‍Mississippi ‍Crow, ‍Frame ‍Lines, ‍Sage ‍of ‍Consciousness, ‍eMuse, ‍Delivered, ‍and ‍Conceit ‍Magazine.


‍JASON ‍HUSKEY ‍

‍is ‍a ‍graduate ‍of ‍Longwood ‍University ‍and ‍lives ‍in ‍central ‍Virginia. ‍He ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍Perigee: ‍Publication ‍for ‍the ‍Arts, ‍Red ‍River ‍Review, ‍Valparaiso ‍Poetry ‍Review, ‍and ‍Word ‍Riot.


‍SE ‍DIAMOND

‍is ‍a ‍graduate ‍of ‍the ‍MFA ‍Writing ‍Program ‍at ‍Otis ‍College ‍of ‍Art ‍and ‍Design ‍in ‍Los ‍Angeles. ‍She ‍works ‍for ‍the ‍Slamdance ‍Film ‍Festival. ‍She ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍The ‍Subterranean ‍Quarterly, ‍Defenestration, ‍The ‍Good ‍Apple, ‍and ‍Antithesis ‍Common. ‍Writing ‍goals ‍include ‍pursuing ‍the ‍funny ‍and ‍the ‍sad.


‍ASHLEY ‍COWGER

‍is ‍an ‍MFA ‍student ‍at ‍the ‍University ‍of ‍Alaska, ‍Fairbanks, ‍where ‍she ‍teaches ‍academic ‍writing ‍and ‍works ‍as ‍a ‍fiction ‍editor ‍for ‍Permafrost, ‍the ‍farthest ‍north ‍literary ‍journal! ‍She ‍lives ‍with ‍her ‍husband ‍who ‍is ‍also ‍a ‍published ‍fiction ‍writer. ‍Her ‍work ‍is ‍being ‍published ‍in ‍Compass ‍Rose ‍and ‍was ‍awarded ‍second ‍place ‍in ‍the ‍Harold ‍McCracken ‍Writing ‍about ‍Alaska ‍Contest.


‍SARAH ‍E ‍AZIZI

‍lives ‍in ‍New ‍Mexico. ‍She ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍the ‍Blue ‍Mesa ‍Review, ‍Phoebe: ‍Journal ‍of ‍Gender ‍and ‍Culture ‍Critiques, ‍red., ‍$pread.


‍STEVE ‍HICKS

‍is ‍an ‍associate ‍professor ‍of ‍English ‍at ‍Lock ‍Haven ‍University ‍of ‍Pennsylvania, ‍living ‍in ‍Bloomsburg, ‍PA, ‍with ‍his ‍wife ‍and ‍two ‍children. ‍He ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍Sage ‍of ‍Consciousness.


‍WINDY ‍LYNN ‍HARRIS

‍is ‍trying ‍to ‍get ‍a ‍regular ‍column ‍in ‍her ‍local ‍newspaper. ‍She ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍Mom ‍Writer’s ‍Literary ‍Magazine, ‍Cynic ‍Magazine, ‍and ‍Quiet ‍Mountain ‍Essays.


‍MICHAEL ‍ERNEST ‍SWEET

‍is ‍the ‍founder ‍of ‍Learning ‍for ‍a ‍Cause, ‍a ‍non-profit ‍educational ‍organization ‍which ‍creates, ‍publishes ‍and ‍promotes ‍creative ‍works ‍written ‍by ‍high ‍school ‍students. ‍The ‍underlying ‍objective ‍of ‍the ‍project ‍is ‍to ‍increase ‍student ‍moral ‍and ‍social ‍sensibilities ‍through ‍the ‍act ‍of ‍creative ‍writing. ‍The ‍teaching ‍model ‍is ‍now ‍being ‍used ‍throughout ‍North ‍America ‍and ‍Europe. ‍With ‍publications ‍spanning ‍popular ‍media, ‍fiction, ‍poetry ‍and ‍academic ‍research, ‍Michael ‍Sweet ‍has ‍more ‍than ‍fifty ‍mainstream ‍publications. ‍He ‍lives ‍and ‍teaches ‍in ‍Montreal, ‍Quebec.


‍MATT ‍MULLINS

‍lives ‍with ‍his ‍wife ‍Megan ‍and ‍infant ‍daughter ‍Nola ‍in ‍Kalamazoo, ‍Michigan, ‍where ‍the ‍storms ‍often ‍roll ‍in ‍from ‍the ‍Big ‍Lake ‍without ‍warning. ‍His ‍writing ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍Descant, ‍Born ‍Magazine, ‍and ‍The ‍Birmingham ‍Poetry ‍Review, ‍online ‍in ‍Ugly ‍Accent ‍and ‍Umbrella, ‍and ‍soon ‍to ‍be ‍published ‍in ‍Slipstream ‍and ‍Arabesques.


‍CP ‍STEWART

‍lives ‍with ‍his ‍family ‍in ‍North ‍Yorkshire. ‍He ‍was ‍a ‍singer/songwriter ‍with ‍the ‍cult ‍band ‍Laughing ‍Gravy ‍and ‍his ‍poetry ‍has ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍England ‍and ‍the ‍US.


‍KATHLEEN ‍J ‍STOWE

‍is ‍an ‍international ‍flight ‍attendant ‍as ‍well ‍as ‍a ‍writer. ‍She ‍lives ‍in ‍Norfolk, ‍Virginia, ‍with ‍her ‍husband ‍and ‍two ‍cats, ‍Arthur ‍and ‍Guinevere. ‍Her ‍stories ‍have ‍been ‍published ‍in ‍Virginia ‍Adversaria, ‍Mslexia, ‍and ‍FUTURES, ‍including, ‍most ‍recently, ‍Monsieur ‍Lapin ‍in ‍Rosebud, ‍and ‍coming ‍out ‍soon, ‍Selected ‍in ‍Mississippi ‍Crow ‍and ‍Out ‍of ‍the ‍Rain ‍in ‍Compass ‍Rose.


‍ASHLIEGH ‍GEHL

‍born ‍into ‍a ‍family ‍of ‍Ford ‍Motor ‍Company ‍workers, ‍defied ‍the ‍family’s ‍tradition ‍and ‍moved ‍to ‍Thunder ‍Bay, ‍Ontario. ‍From ‍2002 ‍to ‍2004 ‍she ‍was ‍Junior ‍News ‍Editor ‍for ‍Lakehead ‍University's ‍student ‍newspaper. ‍She ‍fell ‍in ‍love ‍and ‍stopped ‍writing ‍until ‍January ‍2007 ‍when ‍she ‍realized ‍that ‍writing ‍was, ‍instead, ‍the ‍love ‍of ‍her ‍life.

34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE 34THPARALLEL@GMAIL.COM